More then 20 days after a colonoscopy gone terribly wrong, Tonya is raced into the hospital for emergency surgery. One month later she returns home to recover, determined to change the habits and behaviors that kept her life so unbalanced it almost killed her. In search of her own truth, she begins the process of healing and discovery with an introspective look at her life and the many facets of her personality, her "selves". Throughout the process she identifies little known facts and other information to associate these new discoveries with the world around her. As this journey comes to an end, Tonya challenges the reader to find them "selves", their truth and their way to a better life.

Combined Conscious Monologue 15 – Good Works Note: This monologue is different. This is the one that started the whole thing. I will never forget that morning, I sat up as straight as I could in the bed and braced myself for that first deep breath. I remember the tears running down my face from the pain of expanding my lungs. This was my 20th day in the hospital but I could only recall about 10 of them. Even through the tears I remember singing “Thank You Lord”. More of a whispered chant than a full song, I knew even through the pain and narcotic drugs that I was only breathing at all because of God’s grace and mercy. It started in October 1999 when I was treated for a pre-cancerous growth in my colon. A little frightening but just something you pray over and take in stride. More than 20 days later I was rushed into the emergency room. What we didn’t know was that I had walked around, been to work, taken care of my family and all the “normal” things that women do with a hole in my colon. For more than 20 days the bile spilled into my abdomen infecting everything from my lungs to my ovaries and everything in between. Unable to get my condition under control and despite their disbelief that I could have a hole in my colon for that long and still be walking around the doctors agreed to go in and take a look. What they found made even my surgeons sick. Recovery was rough; it required two extensive surgeries, a shunt, a tube to pump my abdomen, lots of pain medications and antibiotics all run through a central line. Afterwards there was months of therapy. My lungs collapsed and I even became diabetic from my intravenous diet and had to have insulin shots. What’s funny is that isn’t what I remember most. I remember all the letters, cards, phone calls, flowers, balloons, visitors, and overwhelming out pouring of love and prayers. I learned that people I had only spoken to once or twice were praying for me. That people who hadn’t spoken to the Lord in years were talking to Him everyday just to ask his blessing for me and my family. But what I really learned was that you never know how much what you say or do will affect a person. People wrote about some small thing I had once done for them 15 years earlier that helped or comforted them. Things I had done to help a family member of theirs that in some way made a difference. I’m just an ordinary woman there is nothing saintly or extraordinary about me. I’ve survived my share of life’s bumps and bruises and would not by any stretch of the imagination be considered one of God’s holiest children. In fact, while I’m known for my maternal tendencies it is also well known that I am at times VERY rough around the edges. That is what makes my experience so incredible. While going through everyday life God was using me all the time. I had no idea. What a blessing to be useful for God. My truth: Always go through life thoughtfully, being careful with yourself and others no matter how long or short your encounter. What you say and do is useful in the lives of others. I must be certain to be a good vessel. You never know what good work will pour out. Facts: On January 26, 2011, the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics reported that 62.8 million people volunteered through or for an organization at least once between September 2009 and September 2010. “Volunteering in the United States, 2010”, h t t p : //data.bls.gov/cgi-bin/print.pl/news.release/volun.nr0.htm, U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, 9/18/2011

Born in Washington, DC, Tonya attended the University of the District of Columbia. She has enjoyed her work as a government analyst and strategic planner for more than 25 years. Tonya currently resides in Maryland with her husband and their children.