The book is a journey from early childhood to the far reaches of disassociation and insanity compounded with alcoholism. It describes the spawning of a very disturbed individual and discovers the onset of the damaging characteristics, which has followed the author till this present day.
This publication unveils the deepest and darkest secrets in order to accept and put to rest a traumatic life engulfed by negativity. It details every aspect, which caused irreparable damage to an otherwise, mild and loving demeanour. The book goes into great detail of what life is like with mental illness and addiction. Dual Diagnosis is the given names for such conditions. In this case, alcohol was used to numb the affects of the illness.
The illness became unbearable to cope with. Medications and therapy do not have the desired affects to calm a crisis, where alcohol is fast acting and gives almost instant temporary relief. This is why it is so addicting. The author was desperate to relieve himself from his painful and torturous life. Unable to face reality, the author hid in the delusional world of disassociation blocking out your realm.
He would hide in this secret world for decades away from the pains of reality. Secluded and alone, he would slip further into the abyss. The alcohol was used to induce this imaginary sanctuary into a new reality. Oblivious to reality, the author entered a place free from rules, regulations and morals. The most despicable swirling thoughts were compounding which was in fact changing his behaviour and character.
Normally a mild and loving demeanour, the author's character would develop into situations, which caused a threat to him and the public. The author slipped into a psychosis and his world turned to black. His character turned evil and demented with no hope of escape. Desperate of staying in control, he used self-mutilation and alcohol to calm the beast. Bloody and intoxicated, he would wander the streets in the early morning hours searching for answers.
Something terrible happened to that little boy. At an early age, something damaged his heart and soul, sending him into the folds of darkness. There, Patrick Schnerch would hide from the emotional turmoil, which jeopardized his sanity. This delusional place was his sanctuary away from reality. Trauma, up bringing, illness, and eventually alcoholism claimed yet another damaged soul. Decades would pass being oblivious to the real world. Trapped within the darkness, he would seek refuge from anything that could harm him. Memories were blocked out from his past since he did not participate to the realities of your world. Only fragments of his tragic past could be recollected. The author was haunted by uncovered secrets, which were the basis of his demise. Suicidal and with no place to turn, he was at the crossroads of disaster. Not quite being ready to cash in all his chips yet, Patrick had one more plan to execute to set him free. Dumbfounded at where to start looking for answers, he decided to unearth the details of his life starting at the very beginning and dissect every known memory in order to piece together an overall picture of his past. He started documenting those painful memories in order to discover the cause of his turmoil on earth. Slowly, pieces were falling together creating a picture that was making sense, discoveries unknown to the author were being made clear. Finally, after much soul searching, he found the missing key. He relived his horrors and found what he was looking for. He found his inner peace and was able to accept his past and put those torturous years behind him. He now stands tall; free from the darkness that has engulfed him for the past forty years. There is hope and a future waiting him in this world of reality. There are now goals and ambitions for a new life; the author has now made peace with himself and God. It is time to move on.